please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize