I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
