lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
