Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
