Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
