Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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