do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
