I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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