and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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