Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
