My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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