I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
