Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
