as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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