mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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