Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
