I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
