She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
