I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize