Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
