how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
