Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
