He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
