glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
