she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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