i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
