Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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