do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize