I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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