I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
