I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
