This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
foreskin is a definite game changer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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