Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
