went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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