now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize