i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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