At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
