Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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