I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
