I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
