Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
