let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
