I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
