She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
