my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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