she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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