It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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