I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
