another moral hangover. fuck.
just tell him i said nine months
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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