There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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