I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He felt like a one man threesome
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
