I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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