do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
