so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
