My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
