Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
