Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
