Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
