it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
