i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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