help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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