It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
