she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
