I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
