If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
