The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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