I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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