it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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