foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We had to coat check the pizza.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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