You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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