take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
