he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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