How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize