You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
