he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize