You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
