Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
