He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize