1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
