I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize