My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
