And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
