People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
