I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
