In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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