I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
