i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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