I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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