Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
how does that bad decision feel?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
