i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
