and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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