There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
