I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My dick has a subreddit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
