If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
