Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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