Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My liver just had a heart attack.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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