plz talk dirty to me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize