I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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