Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
