It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
