Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
