we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
