Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
