I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you still have your period?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
