So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My feet surprised me
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