I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
