it hurts more in the daytime
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
