I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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