that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
