taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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