Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need a beard to bite.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
