either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We got so high we made milksteak
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
