The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
