i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
