She said her name was "party"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
