get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Less talking, more tequila
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
