this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
