she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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